How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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