I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Randomize
