You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
