mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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