1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
