my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
