your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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