Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
