I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
