I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
