So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize