I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
