So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
we should paint friendship bongs
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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