Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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