normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
