If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
