Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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