can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
