Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Enjoy the penises
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
