Got a toothbrush?
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
