I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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