No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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