you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
