ya dads aren't the best wingmen
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize