He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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