Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
