I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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