she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
