Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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