remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
