I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
