He is such a slut. More and more my type.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
foreskin is a definite game changer
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Randomize
