Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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