I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
