so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
