Ambien. No doubt about it.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
