Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
