i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
