Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
