Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Even my vagina gasped.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
