You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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