It's Friday. Sex?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
