Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
