Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
