i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
