I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
