So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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