You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
