guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dignity is for republicans.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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