WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
