Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
