did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
