He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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