i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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