I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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