Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
