Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
