oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
