Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Your penis caused this!
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