dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
