I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
