Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
