You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
