And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
