You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
