I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
