yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Randomize
